This week I would prefer talk about a recurring idea from this past week. Every day it was part of my thoughts. (Don't worry I'll give you a recap of my week at the bottom of this post)

This week I would like to talk about the idea of patience. It seems to be something that is missing in our lives now. Especially mine. We are a world of instant gratification now, thanks to the internet and social media. Add that with my ability to pick up new things quickly and I have a level of patience so low you would think it didn't exist. 

People tend to only think of patience when the outcome is positive. We tell children to be patient while their cookies bake in the oven. When they are waiting in line to see their favorite Disney character. No one talks about having patience during our times of struggle. No one talks about how patience and jealousy can be best friends. That they can bully your depression and anxiety. No one talks about how patience is hard to love. 

This week in friends lives, as well as my own, I witnessed these struggles with loving patience. Towards the beginning of the week I had a text from a best friend of mine asking about another friend. Our other friend was going through a rough patch, and almost committed suicide. I am thankful that they are alright, and they would prefer not have it talked about anymore and move on with their life. But this event got me thinking. Depression and anxiety periodically stems from the lack of control we have in our lives. Jealousy comes from wanting what others have. Those feelings come from a lack of patience with our lives. We think if everything around us is bad it must always be bad. We find it difficult to wait for things to get better. We find it difficult to not dwell in the bad. We don't have the strength to be patient and wait for the better outcome. When we don't wait for the better outcome, we tend to make the bad outcomes linger in our lives. 

I didn't realize I personally struggled with this until this past week. I knew I had anxiety, and I will admit I have problems with being jealous of my successful friends. I have been better about letting my joy for them overbear my jealousy, but it is still there. I hadn't thought that it might be a lack of patience until I was talking to my mother about how I needed to be in NYC now and I needed to have a better job. She just nonchalantly said "It's because you have no patience."

It's true. I don't. I see my friends reaching goals I have for myself in their careers. I see people living on their own financially stable. I see my friends getting their SAG and Equity cards, or on tour, or on tv, or in movies, or going to grad school, etc. ( I have some amazingingly talented friends). I see friends going to law and med school. I have friends in long term relationships, who are getting married, who are having kids. And all I can think is. When will I get there? The thing I, and we, need to remember is that our lives are different than other people's. We could live identical lives with someone and the outcomes could still be different. We miss the beauty of our own journey when we start comparing our success to others. The devil makes us comfortable in our doubt and jealousy. He makes us fear patience. He makes us fear success. 

I'm not telling you to wait for things to happen by any means. I am however telling you to be patient with the fruits of your labors. They will grow when they are watered and filled with sunshine and nourishment. They will die in darkness. And if it is something completely out of your control, be patient for the next door to open. Don't live in fear and darkness. 

Now the updates for the few who would like to know!

1. I finished my journey over lent yesterday. That means I am back on social media! It's been a journey of growth, I hope it continues. 

2.I dyed part of my hair lilac thanks to an amazing friend named Hannah Mae Blackman (seriously the best hairdresser I have ever had, let me hook you up!)

3. I realized how much I really love directing this week. The kids were great. I sat behind a table at auditions this week and really saw a new side to things. 

4. I started to embrace my tomboyish nature as well as my "athletic" "boyish body". I have always hated it. But this week, I realized how much I personally like it, even when others hated it.

5. I realized that NC is not my home. It is where I grew up, but it is not where I can thrive and be myself.

6. I changed a flat tire!

7. I got my uniform for Moo Duk Kwan and my white belt.

8. I made a complete Dance Reel for my website. Link below:

https://youtu.be/ocOB3gb_PUY

9. I read a beautiful and horrific play called Millicent Scowlworthy. I suggest it.

10. I started reading A Game of Thrones again.

11. I'm cutting down on how much TV I let myself watch to one hour a day unless it is for research purposes or a movie.

Until Next Week:

Song of the week: